I wish life was like a box of chocolates.

Life isn't always like a box of chocolate Forrest. Sometimes, you know exactly what you're going to get. When you change your thought to an action, sometimes you know exactly what's coming next. Just a thought that has slapped me in the face today. (: I'm kind of exhausted due to the almost all nighter that myself and Rachel pulled the other night. I'm so excited for my Senior year and just embracing everything that is going on around me. People are changing as am I and I love that. I love that talking about what college I'm going to is a real reality right now and that I have to start thinking about things such as that. AHHHH!

So, today I'm watching a movie called Hall Pass. In which these two bestfriends give their hudsbands "hall passes" for a week which means that they get to take a week vacation from being married. In turn, they can sleep with who they want and so on and so forth. Excuse me? No, never. EVER. Of course, the movies turns out where the main guy can't cheat because he loves his wife way to much and he knows that he never wants anyone else. Which is what I hope would happen but I would never in a billion years give my husband a hall pass and it makes me sad to think that anyone thought to make a movie like that. Disturbing to anyone else?

This stupid blog of mine never has one thought per blog and it makes me laugh. (: I just up chuck a bunch of words and thoughts, it's me though. My left boob is much bigger than my right one. HA! Okay, I'm falling out.


"You're assaulting all my senses, from your smell to your sentences."(:

You'd think It'd be a Dream

It's not. I'm just saying, in fact it's quite the opposite. It's a nightmare. I know you have no idea what I'm talking about and that's fine. I'm not going to say anymore than that it's a straight up nightmare. Go listen to "Oh, Tonight" by the Josh Abbott Band. Yeah....

All I want..

All I want out of love (yes, love not life) is to find someone who doesn't care that I never wear shoes when I don't absolutely have to, that I'm pretty incapable of sitting still, that I can't grasp the concept of doing anything without procrastinating first, that I laugh at every wrong time, and some of the stupidest things mean the entire world to me, and that I refuse to be ladylike. Someone who realizes that about half the decisions I make I'll probably regret, and that I have the right to overreact sometimes. Someone who understands that I'm completely goofy and very rarely do I ever feel the need to censor my words, that there's a reason behind every move I make, that doesn't mind taking me fishing and frog giggin'. I want someone who realizes and understands that I'm completely insane but wouldn't want me any other way...


Nobody ever will probably..(yes, let me sulk, please and thanks)

a surrendered Kaitlin

Two weeks until I'm headed for the BEACH!

So, I deleted my last entry for the simple fact that I realized after re-reading it that no one really cares about what I was talking about. lol All I was trying to get at is that I love my job, entirely. I feel like I'm on an emotional rollar coaster. All In all it's a very happy and content ride. Then out of no where I wake up from a dream of Molly, or I hear that one song on the radio that makes me think of Justin and I lose it. Stupidity. Although, I will say that I decided that I'm getting better at going with the flow of things (: It's a relief. I'm just wanting to have fun this summer, just forget everything and laugh until I cry, and drive with my top down, and write till my hands fall off, and sing until my voice goes out completely. I cannot believe I am a senior, and that this is IT. Thirteen years of public education and here we are...I'm cherishing every moment. 18 years of life! More than any other age, this age is the age I'm most excited about turning up to this point in my life. 16 was awesome, and 13 seemed like the biggest deal ever at the time, but looking back and looking ahead...this is it. & not because I will be able to go to clubs (although thats a nice thought) its also that I will finally be looked at like someone who can actually do something...anything. Yes, I'm not an adult, and I won't consider myself one. But..that idea of being able to say I'm a citizen and not just a student of society is very exciting to me. I'm done rambling for the day I suppose.

I've never done this before..

& I hoenstly don't know how to. I've never had to try at something like this before and I agree with my bestfriend, I'm so afraid that I am going to try and it's gonna end like crap. Anyways, work is extremely slow but I got my braces off and all the guys are excited for me! Gene said that I went a bracket on the hot scale. He said I went from being cute to being a hot babe. Haha, yes he's old, and yes, it's gross. But still, I'll take whatever compliments I can get at this point. :3 I'm going home tonight after work and I'm going to relax and hope that tomorrow goes like it's supposed to. (: I get to meet with my incredible grandma for lunch at applebee's (: She makes me smile beyond what she knows. I love her so much. My family is such a blessing. I could never name every blessing I have in this world but I can tell you right now the ones that are being thrown in my face everyday these days are my family, my bestfriends, my job, and My Jesus. < 3 Okay, well I need to get off here and at least act like I'm doing something productive. Haha, even though the guys know that I never do anything productive. I don't know why they love me so much. haha GOODNIGHT!

Kait :3

These days are something new.

I've never been so inspired to write in my entire life. Words are flowing out of me onto the paper like crazy. Emotions in writing, in black ink, in raw honesty. It's like I was hit with something enormous on my head and woke up with a entirely new outlook on the way life works and how to live it. My date last night went extremely EXTREMELY well, < 3 I'm afraid to say I'm falling. I'm afraid that those feelings aren't in complete return, but I always say "breathe deep & love strong". I cannot wait to get my tattoo of that. So, I've been incredibly wrapped up in the question of what my friends and family would have to say about me if I died tomorrow...obviously, there's inspiration behind that question, I'm not just saying that because I'm emo or something. I just truly wonder, because I know, say, and hear the amazing things that Molly left behind. OH, total 180 here buuut, this 63 year old guy came into the dealership today and wrote a check for a 62,000 dollar vehicle for his 23 year old girlfriend with GIGANTUIN ta-ta's. I was astounded. (: Only an hour and ten minutes left until I'm off work and head down to my father's house in duncan to stay the night. I'm extremely glad rachel's coming with me. You know it's one thing to know in your heart how incredibly blessed you are by the Lord, but it is a totally other thing to actually experience it. :3 just saying!

"If you'd just realize, what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never find another. Just realize what I just realized and we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now. But it's not the same, no it's never the same if you don't feel it too. If you'd meet me halfway, you could meet me halfway. It could be the same for you."


Signed,
a indifferent Kait...

A big ol' dent in my senior summer.

Well, when it rains it pours. That's all there is to it. Life is incredible at the moment and is completely screwed up at the moment. I have a blessed life, more than I realize everyday. Today, this morning actually, I went to the funeral of my amazing very close friend Molly Ann, of 17 years old. She's forever 17 in her hometown and is gone...and although I'm broken and searching for strength and answers, I know that for her, I'm going to live this year right, and this life..I'm going to live it right.

On a happy note, I have a date tonight with an adorable man, and I'm hoping that it goes even more smoothly than I have it all planned out in my head. (YEAH RIGHT) But I'm excited, and I'm ready. I know that my best friends are more than I've ever deserved, ever. I have amazing teachers that took time out of their schedules to comfort me and hug me this morning when I was at one of the lowest points I've ever been. I have a lot on my mind, but nothing that my Jesus isn't giving me a peace about.

I've gotta watch my dr. phil before I go to work, so I'm shutting up for now. You can guarantee though, that tomorrow I will put every detail of my date on here. Just for safe keeping of the memory (:


new life begins...NOW.

Kait

Oh, to be free.

I am newly single. I know my title of this entry sounds "tre harsh", but honestly, I'm excited to just be me for awhile. I'm young and I'm extrememly stoked to figure out who I am and have a single summer to do and be whomever I want. Justin meant everything to me, and he was my world for a year and a half, and I don't regret a day of it. I just know there's better out there for me obviously since he ended it. Tonight, I go eat with the most incredible best guy friend I could ever ask for, ever. Guys are bombarding me left and right and idk how to tell if they like me for me or just want to f*** me. I'm learning though. I went to trinity, and I'm relieved to say that I felt very comfortable going back and plan on going back more and more often. I love it so much more there than I ever remembered. I'm glad I'm not letting little petty worries and feelings get in the way of me learning more and being a part of a congregation that wants more than anything else on the Earth to SERVE Christ Jesus and Love him and learn about him more and more in depth every single day. It's going to be a wonderful summer (:


I'm gonna start blogging everyday while at work, hopefully. We all know how that goes though.

signed,
an at peace Kait

SUMMER 2011!! :3

< 3 All I know is it's summer, that's all i really NEED to know. My job is incredible, I'm a senior, I turn eighteen in 3 months and two weeks, i get my braces off in not even a full three weeks. Granted, there's a situation that is driving me insane that i cannot figure out, but that will come with time i'm sure. I'm so sure that this summer is going to be one of the best i've ever had or will ever have. School ended well, and thank God it ended. I honestly am so proud that i survived my junior year, next year is cake compared to what I had to do this year. My stress is out the window, i'm riding with the music loud and my boston hat on as much as possible. I have the most amazing best friends and boyfriend in the entire world. What more could I possibly ask for?! I don't know but I don't plan on ever letting go of this feeling. EPIC SENIOR CLASS!


signed,
a very excited Kait

Life rolls On.

Facts I know without a doubt:
My boyfriends = greater than you.
I'm just me, and I can't change that.
I love my school, and I cannot wait to be a senior.
I don't fit perfectly anywhere.
The previous statement is perfectly okay with me.
Music speaks louder to me than any word spoken.

I'm done living my life for anyone else, I've said it a billion times before and I pray this time it's accurate.

I've never learned so much

I've never learned so much about myself and my heart's desires and hopes as I have this last year. It's a new year though, and as I go through I know I'll learn only more. Totally lame? Yes, probably, but I made a list in my journal of the big things I've learned about myself and my heart. I will list them at the end of this blog if you care to read them for yourself. Last week, a sort of blizzard hit my great state of residence and I enjoyed it immensely. Being out of school, and being carefree made all the difference in getting things straight in my head. There's these lyrics that spoke straight to my heart over the time period of being stranded at home. "Everything is fine, fine, fine. Through the sunshine and the rain. I've got a peace of mind, You know I can't complain. I make it a point to thank the Lord, when I've got him on the line. I'm feeling good and everything is fine." (: Josh turner's flamin' hot, but that's not the reason I love these lyrics. I don't know, I just feel this way and I know my life is absolutely as perfect as anything I could ever realisticly ask for. I'm really excited also to announce that I'm going to start my first actually book very soon. It's going to be titled "The Silent War" unless I come up with something better while writing it. Okay, I guess I'm done rambling now and will go practice for auditions for TCGT this saturday and for districts next saturday. :3 Love.
Signed,
"At-peace" Kait



My List:

1)I was kicked in the face with once again that I can do nothing of my own strength but only that which comes from my Jesus.

2)Let it all go, and just be a teenager. Screw everything else. Stick to my guns and have fun.

3)Frienship isn't about constantly being together or talking 24/7 but is actually about loving that person above yourself and letting stand in the way of that friendship.

4)Real, and Healthy love is a fragile and rare thing these days, and when you have it you hold on to it and fight for it with everything you have.

5)Confidence. Period.

6)Call me lame, but I'm a country girl and I'm proud of it. And although winter is still my favorite, I have a new found love for the summer.

7)Nobody "lives without regret" or can honestly say "I don't regret anything." BullS. Go look up the definition of regret and then tell me if you don't regret something in your life.

8)Say what you need to say, before time passes and it's too late.

9)My choir teacher finds me shocking and innappropriate and quite frankly many other people probably do to, I just don't really care anymore.

10)Some people AREN'T worth your energy, live like they don't even exist. It's much easier that way.

11) Jesus is faithful. Through every high and low and mistake and regret, he's faithful.

12) my family is life. without them, I die.

AH, crazy stuff;

The break, thus far, has been exactly what I needed. Minus a couple of details. Yes, we've had some major friend drama this last weekend, but we say our peace, we hope that they listen and understand where you're coming from, but you accept at the end of the day taht you can't make their decisions for them, ever. All you can say and do is be there at the end of the day when/if that decision falls apart completely or when/if it comes together more beautifully than ever. Lord, I pray that I was heard. Moving on, yes, it's only three days until christmas and I'm straight flippin' balls. I had christmas with my best friends last night, I got new sanuks, a new chi straightner and a $50 gift card to charlotte Russe. Super excited about all of them. And tomorrow, I work. Wth?! Who works on their christmas break?! I suppose everyone really does, it just sucks butt. I'm geared up and ready to go for Christmas. Everything is bought and wrapped. Except two of my mommy's gifts. My room is clean and ready for the chaos that it will become on December 25th, and lastly my heart is so in awe of my Jesus that I can't explain myself.


Dear Lord: I'm completely broken for you right now, please fix me for you and your kingdom's cause.

KAIT.

Oh my dear blog, how long I have been parted from thee.

So, my life is extremely busy, thus I have not had to the time to blog. Not that my blog nor my few readers are of lesser importance to me than everything else! Anyways, It's coming on Christmas. I love this time of year. ABSOLUTELY LOVE. Seriously, the day of thanksgiving, I release every bit of "holly and jolly-ness" I have held within me for the whole year leading up to this day. I went Christmas Shopping today and picked up a few presents and tomorrow I will for the most part finish up my shopping. I just pray I can make it through this next week of school without completely going insane from the stress of semester tests and other things that drive my nuts on a daily basis at that school. *cough! drama cough!* I've held myself together for this long, surely I can last five more days. Update on the family? Why, sure. My mother is utterly amazing and daily gains more of my love and admiration. My daddy is my daddy and always will be, He's very well. My brother has only two semesters left before grad school in quite possibly Denver, Colorado at the Denver Conservatory of Music. Yes, saddening. My Justin is the most incredible human being of the opposite sex (falling right beneath my daddy) that I've ever met and the fact that he's mine (yes, mine and completely mine, not yours) makes me happier and happier daily. Thoughts of Christmas consume my mind right now, completely. I only have Kenny's, joshua's, Dillon's, and Branson's gifts left to buy. OKay, I'm tired..and getting off here.

all my love,
KAIT.

:3

I have so much to say. I can't say it on here. Goodnight. :3

Deleted post.

Yes, I deleted a post. The post I posted last night out of anger and frustration. I was just as puerile as what I was accusing others of. While, yes I have the full right to say what I want on my blog about whatever events I want but I just want to be more "professional" than that. Being the bigger person always feels better :3 and also because I need not vent on some silly website and become unchristlike whenever I have my Jesus to vent to twenty four seven. :3 TODAY?! Well, it was amazing pretty much. I'm going to Francis Tuttle with my boooy. Yes, I love him with my entire heart. OH! I have him to vent to too, but he doesn't even come close to my Jesus.

YES, my thoughts.

YES, I didn't do my homework this weekend because I don't understand it. YES, I'm going to fail a chemistry test this morning. YES, I'm dropping chemistry this week, in fact i'm going to talk to her today and if she still says no, then I'll let my mother talk to her because I'm too stressed and can't handle it. YES, I'm switching to being mrs. nelsons choir aide first hour. YES, She's the best ever for letting me do that. YES, I know this school year is kicking my butt hardcore. YES, if a certain someone says something to me or my bestfriend today I will kill yanes. YES, i meant to say yanes. YES, i bought sixteen candles on DVD this weekend. YES, my dad needs to fix me tailight. YES, I'm tired of school and need THANKSGIVING BREAK. YES, it's only twelve days away. YES, I have an ortho appt this friday that i'm pretty excited about. YES, I'm proud of my best friend for being bold for love. YES, I'm extremely excited about christmas. YES, I only have to work twice this week. YES, YES, YES. YES, i love my boyfriend with every fiber of my being. YES, I always will. YES, I'm super excited about my life. YES, I'm very stressed and I've been getting sick again. YES, it's because of chemistry. YES, I will be honest and tell you that THIS year, i can't hack it. YES, I'm ready to be a senior. YES YES YES YES, I'm done. (: Have an amazing day.

TODAY:

I will perserve my thoughts for my other blog and journal. My private blog. They would do no good on here other than show my true feelings on certain things and certain people and help my vent but no other good would come from it.


Kait.

ECOCDA and other thoughts;

ECOCDA was amazing. Utterlly amazing like always. What I can tell you is that I'm extremely stressed out about school, and mainly chemistry. I can also tell you that at the turn of the semester I will be getting out of that class and into something else. Anything else. I will be spending my days off this weekend doing homework of many different kinds. English, Trig, Chem, Spanish, and US history. Yes, Five lovely classes all of which I will have some sort of homework in. Moving on from my school related stress, I'm really glad that maybe things are coming together even more beautifully than I could have ever imagined. I'm rather annoyed at this moment, but I should've have just followed the directions, but I never was very good at that and now I'm extremely annoyed. Okay, getting off. I have to work tonight. "/ GOYS.

This blog is where I put my feelings right?

Okay, good just making sure. I realized like a million things today. Productive days make me happy. I've realized today so many different things about myself and about my friends and it makes me laugh. My laugh would be hell on earth if I was ever to wake one day and be told that I could no longer write. The Same with music, if i was to be told I couldn't listen to music...yeah, baaad day in the life of Kaitlin Smith. Congratulations to the One Act performers, I'm proud. I'm asking you not to let this go to your heads though, just a request. Speaking of heads, Mine feels like it's about to fall off, allergies suck butt. So Justin is back to wearing his wranglers and boots and it's HOT. You know part of my feels like maybe the vans and the skinny jeans are him, but the more and more I think about it, it's not. All other people normally think it is, and maybe its just because I do know him like most people don't and so I know it's really not him. I just love him, ha. He's about ready to move in with a one Branson Byrd :D Yeah, excited about that one. My Lord is so amazingly beautiful. Read romans, you'll know. (: Okay, going to do homework, I'll probably get back on tonight and talk more cause I haven't posted in awhile.

Boy Meets World(:

this show is my happy place. Rachel, I'm not gonna blog about what I was going to so just ask me tomorrow ok?